Dissociation
That season is here. That season where I kinda want to hide in the bushes.. It’s kind of interesting. I don’t want to hide from everyone. It’s just some people.. Or many people actually. I don’t know but ever since 2 years ago right around this time I’ve been a little bit antisocial almost. I don’t understand why but I like being alone. Maybe because I want to go home? Maybe I’m just really homesick. I’m glad God gave me an opportunity to start working after college but at the same time I’m a little bit sad that I don’t get any time to go back home after graduation. I’m going home tomorrow and I’m super excited to see my parents and just stay away from school environment. This quarter has been a little bit overwhelming for me in many ways. Not just school but with relationships with people and everything. This is all part of life but I feel like when I go home for few days, I almost get to get away from everything for that moment. I don’t think I know how to handle my stress. I don’t ever show it on the outside or do any activites to let it out and I wish I could figure out a way to let out my stress.
I wish human beings weren’t so emotional. It’s amazing that God created us to be emotional human beings. But I dislike how emotions can take over you so easily and change the way you think about things. Emotions are quite powerful and I can’t seem to suppress it that well. It’s not that I get really sad or happy or anything. It’s just like a mixture of many different emotions that I don’t even know overpowering me. Uh… I don’t want to do anything these days. I’ve been pushing away people that I’ve been seeing too often.
Maybe I miss home because I miss my parents just taking care of me. I want to be taken care of again! Being an adult, an independent adult, is hard. On the other hand, I’ve been doing well in school. Too bad I’m doing well during my last quarter at UCSD. I don’t regret not trying so hard because.. past is past. But at least I don’t have senioritis that’s keeping me from studying or doing homework. I think I enjoy studying actually. What was I doing for the past 2 years?! No regrets whatsoever.. No regrets.
I must go back.. to what I was doing.. Which is nothing! Maybe when I come back from home I’ll be much normal. I need energy. Give me some energy to get through the rest of the school year Father!
10:48 pm • 22 May 2013
Relationship
It’s 1:59am and I was supposed to sleep 2 hours ago for church tomorrow.. The reason why I’m up is because.. my ex messaged me randomly and started talking to me about his life and asking me how I”m doing. Beginning of September of 2011, I prayed to God so much to help me get over him and be so cold towards him. Fortunately I got over him very quickly and was cold towards him. I was blessed with an ability to do that and didn’t talk to him for almost 6 months. He messages me from time to time to ask me how I’m doing and I never grew those same feelings from the past… until today.
I think I’ve been missing that life.. Having a boyfriend, always having someone to talk to.. Having someone who gives me attention.. I guess I’ve been a little bit lonely deep inside.
But this is when I must seek God the most and long for that personal relationship with him. Throughout God’s Word, God is depicted as a God who wants a relationship with His people. He is the one pursuing that relationship Just like a young man desperately in love with the girl of his dreams will do anything he can to spend time with that lovely girl, God pursues us, hoping He can spend time with us.
Prov 8:17 “I love those who love me, And those who seek me diligently will find me.” NKJV
Zeph 3:17 “The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” NKJV
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” NIV
Rom 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” NKJV
John 15:13-17 “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. These things I command you, that you love one another.”
I mean definitely I wanted to show him that I’m doing better than him and that I’m doing better without him. But I think he beat me. Yeah yeah, he broke up with his recent girlfriend of one month and is busy trying to keep his mind off of it and blah blah blah (While I haven’t dated anyone since we broke up T__T). But I think I beat him in the end because I got to tell him that my relationship with God is stronger than when we were together and that I can live without him but not without God. And I’m sitting here writing this post because I do love God and that I want to seek him and have a relationship with Him and not him (you buttface!!!).
Time to sleep for church~
2:15 am • 19 May 2013 • 3 notes
He knows my name
Isaiah 43:1
“But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, ‘Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.”
He sees my every move
Psalm 139:7
“I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence!
He thinks about me
Psalm 139:17
“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!
He is with me
Joshua 1:9
“This is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God i with you wherever you go.”
He will fight for me
Exodus 14:14
“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”
He made me in His image
Genesis 1:27
“So god created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”
He is my safe place
Psalm 62:6-8
“He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”
He has a plan for me
Jeremiah 29:11
“‘For I know the plans I have for you’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’”
He is good
Psalm 119:68
“You are god and do only good teach me your decrees.”
He is freedom
2 Corinthians 3:17
“For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”
He is always with me
Matthew 28:20
“Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
(Source: spiritualinspiration, via spiritualinspiration)
4:41 pm • 7 May 2013 • 4,303 notes
